


there is love in your body (you can't hold it in)

by Lise



Series: Remember This Cold [6]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Loki Has Issues, Loki's a goddamn mess, M/M, Oral Sex, Sex With A Proxy, Sexual Content, is there a tag for that, like really though, using someone else as a proxy to exorcise your desire for captain america
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-07
Updated: 2014-02-07
Packaged: 2018-01-11 11:42:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1172650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lise/pseuds/Lise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki needs to get rid of this inconvenient Captain America Problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	there is love in your body (you can't hold it in)

**Author's Note:**

> I thought of this idea a while ago - I've thought a fair amount about what Loki is doing over the course of Remember This Cold, and the ways in which he copes - or doesn't - with realizing that he's developing a relationship, and then a friendship, and then definite sexual interest in someone he sees as absolutely unattainable. This is one of the things I pictured happening, and recently I decided to write it down. Because sometimes you just need to write some porn, and most of that porn ends up being about how Loki's really very messed up in the head. 
> 
> Hey, it's fun. 
> 
> This takes place sometime during the "Tick Tick Time" installment.

He spends an absurdly long time finding just the right one. 

Simply "adequate" would not do, after all. Oh no. He intends to do this right, and that means taking the time to do so. 

Ultimately he does find what he is looking for. Blonde and blue-eyed, with an earnest glow in his eyes. He is a moth to Loki's flame, and it is almost shamefully easy to seduce him. He is not unskilled, either, and the pleased noises Loki makes as the man worships his neck, pressing him against a wall in a quiet corner of a Midgardian tavern are not feigned.

Loki lets it go on until his temporary lover is panting and then bends his head to catch the shell of his ear lightly between his teeth. "Have you a room?" He whispers, voice low and rich and husky. 

He has an apartment. His name is William, Loki learns, and Loki introduces himself as Steve with a small smile that he knows will not be read as ironic. William keeps glancing at him with something not quite awe. He plainly cannot believe his good fortune. 

Loki rewards him for that by taking his hand as they walk and bringing slender fingers to his mouth. (It was those hands, in part, that decided him; hands with a delicate touch, artists' hands, perhaps.) William almost stumbles as Loki hums into his fingertips, and a glance down is enough to assure Loki that he will not be disappointed. 

The man fumbles his keys twice opening the door. The minute he does have it open and they step inside, Loki shoves him back up against it and kisses him, tongue licking out to trace his lips. They part, and Loki dips his tongue inside and then withdraws it. William's tongue chases into his mouth, arms wrapping around his waist. 

He will exorcise this need from himself, Loki thinks. This mad obsession. 

William is too short for it to be perfect, of course. Too short and slightly too slender. But it is enough that he can pretend, can imagine that it is another man's short blonde hair he is tangling his fingers in. That it is Captain America plunging his tongue between Loki's lips in deliberate thrusts, Steve Rogers grinding his hips against Loki's. 

He breaks away, breathing hard, and his fingers flex on Loki's waist. "I want - wanna fuck you," William says, and Loki feels a twinge of resentment at the crack in the illusion. "I want to make you - make you come-"

Loki is relieved when he tangles his fingers in his hair and tugs Loki's head back to lavish more attention on his throat, exploring every sensitive place, and Loki lets him, lets himself be steered back further into the apartment. 

Would Steve take control like this? he wonders. Or would he be slow, hesitant, uncertain...

Teeth nip at the skin above his pulse and Loki's body stiffens and then melts with a low moan. He moves his hands to catch the hem of the shirt his companion is wearing and drag it up, and he shrugs out of it only to return to his sucking exploration of Loki's jawline as though he can't stay away, hands worming between them and undoing the buttons of Loki's mortal garb hastily and clumsily. His breath is hot and rapid, and Loki lets his hands slide down over the bare skin of his back, feeling muscle move. 

He imagines Steve doing this, and his hips thrust forward unconsciously, cock giving a twitch inside his trousers. The hand unbuttoning his shirt moves down to rub against the bulge in his pants, and Loki can't hold back a sharp sound that comes from his throat, his whole body shuddering. 

"God," William breathes, and when he pulls back to look Loki in the eyes his face is flushed, his bright blue eyes wide. "Can I-"

Loki's breathing snags. "Yes," he says, after a moment, eyes closing to slits, and the man slides to his knees, the sound of his breathing harsh as he undoes the button and zipper, slides Loki's slacks and underclothing off of his hips. He spits to slick his palm and then wraps his hand around Loki's length, strokes once. 

Loki arches his head back with a gasp, hips bucking forward into that grip. Eyes fluttering closed, he imagines Steve on his knees, that worshipful expression in his eyes, the warm strength of his hand. One of Loki's hands moves, hands threading in soft hair.

Like as not Captain America wouldn't know what to do in this situation, Loki tells himself unkindly. Far more likely, even if he has dallied with men, that he would be the one to whom they would kneel, wrapping their mouths eagerly around what must be a glorious cock-

Loki's breath catches and he almost tells William that they must change places, but then he licks a thin stripe up the side of Loki's cock and the thought flies out of his head. "A-aah-!"

_What if,_ the thought flies into his head,  _he did kneel, intent on your pleasure, wrung you dry until there was nothing left to give_ and he doesn't know what he wants, whether it is the Captain America who would fuck him ruthlessly until he bled or the Steve Rogers who would lay him back and claim him like a maiden who deserved gentleness.

Warm, wet lips close around the head of his cock and Loki hisses, teeth clicking together and eyes closed. He makes them open and looks down to see bright lips around his cock, blue eyes looking up at him for a moment before he bobs down and Loki's hand flies into blonde hair, resting on the crown of that bowed head. His chest is bound with steel bands and he can't draw a full breath.  _Captain,_ he thinks, but manages to hold it back.

His lover sucks, tongue pushing against his underside, and Loki groans and just manages to keep his hips from thrusting forward. His knees almost buckle when a moan vibrates into his cock and it's good,  _deliciously_ good, and when that blond head angles to offer a throat he can't keep himself from thrusting forward into it, even if only shallowly, just to feel the flutter against him. Even as he moves to draw back, though, his lover pushes further, swallowing him fully, and Loki's thoughts go dizzily blank as the motion of his throat as he swallows pulses along Loki's length. 

_The Captain would never do this for you._ The thought is almost spiteful, and perhaps it is that that makes Loki's hands tighten in William's hair and hold him so that his come spurts down his throat. imagining it is another taking his seed, swallowing it with eager greed. 

When he releases William he only coughs once, and his eyes as he stares up at Loki are glazed, full of lust. Loki moves for the bed, shedding his shirt as he goes, and stretches out on his back, spreads his legs and grins. 

His temporary lover almost tears off his clothing and flings himself over Loki, his mouth hungry as their bodies rub together. Loki can taste himself on his lover's mouth and lifts his legs to lock around his waist, rubbing William's erection against his ass. "Well?" he purrs, and his breath catches audibly. 

"You're incredible," he says, at which Loki basks, and, "lube," for which Loki does let him go. When he returns with a tube and squirts clear liquid onto his fingers, Loki helpfully lifts his hips. 

He gasps a little for the first finger pushed a little too hastily into him, and lets his head fall back, closing his eyes. The hand not busy opening him up spreads over his hip, fingers warm, and Loki mutes the stammered, "fuck, so good, you're gorgeous, can't wait to have my dick in you" and replaces it with Steve's voice. Imagines him saying,  _is this all right? You feel...Loki,_ his name, spoken with awe, something soft, worshipful. 

A second finger and Loki's back arches. Steve's voice shushes him, murmurs assurances. He feels himself tremble, and opens his eyes only to slam them shut as both fingers curl and stroke just perfectly and he cries out, spine bending off the bed, his cock growing hard again. Like this, he decides. This would be how the Captain would take him. Gently. With care. Like a lover.

"Do it," he gasps, "just do it," something creeping up on him that he can't name. 

Steve - no, William - moans lowly and moves, and Loki feels the blunt head of his cock nudge at his ass for a moment, slick with whatever oil he'd been using. Then he thrusts into him in one powerful stroke. 

Loki cries out, body suddenly achingly full, but it doesn't hurt, not the way he usually takes it. William - no, Steve - is stretched out over him, gasping and panting and still, giving Loki time to adjust. He can't breathe. He can't  _breathe_ and his whole body is singing with glorious feeling and desire and pleasure but most overwhelming of all is  _panic._

One long, slow thrust that fills him and Loki hears a sound like a whine escape his throat. His heart is pounding too hard against his ribs and a part of him isn't sure whether it is Steve buried inside him or not, even as most of him knows it is not. It doesn't matter. He wants more, suddenly, at the same time as he wants to be gone, wants to be ripped open and flogged within an inch of his life. Too many things tangled up and this was a mistake-

He wraps his legs around the man's waist and rocks his hips to hear him cry out. 

This isn't going to exorcise anything, he realizes too late. He is lost. Utterly and completely-

Another thrust, still slow, heat stroking intimately along his insides, a hot mouth roaming across his collarbones. He clutches at muscular shoulders, suddenly adrift and spinning. Somewhere, somehow, Loki lost control of this. 

"God," William moans into his shoulder, and for a moment it sounds like Steve, and he's  _won_ only he hasn't, he can feel himself coming apart in this. He wants it too much,  _needs_ it too much. There's a scream building up in his chest and it might be of pleasure or something else but he wraps his arms around the shoulders as hips begin to pump against his in earnest and holds on with tooth and nail until the pace stutters and hot come fills him, and then he leaves. 

Runs. 

Only to another apartment, this one nominally his for the moment  - the owner is away. He stands in the middle of the kitchen, breathing hard, still erect and come dripping down the inside of his thigh. 

He thought he could get away from this. 

No, Loki thinks, and isn't sure if it is despair or resignation. He is trapped now. 

And he doubts the good Captain even knows it at all. 

Loki has to laugh. There is something bitter in it, but he laughs. This demon is in his bones now, and he suspects there is nothing he can do to carve it out.


End file.
